5 Ways to Avoid Fake Escape
Have you ever wondered why people live in pretence? We all have different ways of dealing with life scenarios. Life brings us many experiences, that is all they are, and we do need them for our self development. Some experiences tie us to the core of our emotions, letting go of those experiences can be challenging. We come with nothing and go with nothing, but while we are here on Earth, there are some things that we hold dear, and we do all we can to make it right, for ourselves or others. The journey sometimes isn’t always understood, so we pretend that we do despite how others warn us about it to protect us. We are all unique, we need to manage things as we understand them. Sometimes we do need to shield and live a lie while we find our answers.
Living in pretence has its pros and cons. If you are going through a challenging episode in your life, it is okay to pretend until you know what to do. Pretending that you will be fine, when you know this episode is too challenging, it is also okay to ask for assistance. The trouble I have found with shielding until ready, you can enter a vicious circle and never seek for help. The biggest problem is, who can one trust? When your trust has been broken so many times, we feel there is no escape and hence we adopt a fake escape life. What does a ‘fake escape’ mean to you? For me, it means I know what is happening, I know it is not a good situation, I know it is harming me but I don’t want to break someone else’s trust in me, because I am stronger and wiser. I am pretending that all is okay but my heart is weak and I am struggling, but I know I am strong and I carry on pretending. Another example is like having a fake friend, someone who really doesn’t care or is just a friend for their own personal gain, you know it, but because you are kind, you accept and continue with a fake friendship.
Another example can be being in a toxic relationship and telling yourself that it is fine and dandy. This can cause more harm than good. I have experienced this, so I understand the impact it has long term. Discover these five simple ways to avoid diving into Fake Escape. When you pretend that everything is ok when it is not, you are only hurting yourself and those around you, who care about you because living in a fake world is not healthy for anyone long term.
Acknowledge & Accept About Living in Pretence
For me, it means acknowledging what I may be experiencing, a feeling or emotion that I may be having that is either warning me that my actions don’t line up with what is truly bothering me.
Avoid when we get in our way with feeling fake, and how can we acknowledge it? I would like to share some experiences that maybe you have been through to tell ourselves everything is alright when it isn’t. What do you think it does to our mind and body? The feeling of having no clarity. We go through these experiences when we are either afraid or looking for a better way out.
Many people don’t see their mental well-being as crucial to a healthy life. Do not believe this lie. YOU should never lie to yourself, and you must hold yourself accountable for getting back on track. Getting back on track is to have a plan and an accountability partner who is also someone you trust to support and encourage you.
While everyone has their own journey, as for each individual he or she must acknowledge and accept the current state where he or she may be in right now. As for me, I am accepting my current state. Just recently I have returned from traveling. During that time I experienced that it was a beautiful ride, it has allowed me to listen to my own thoughts on the meaning of not living in fear. It allowed me to step away from my old environment for a short while. However I do understand that I must continue moving forward to shed the pains that I have experienced throughout my lifetime.
Think to yourself what is your pain or trauma that challenges you right now? For me it is living in the now. I now see myself as a person of value and knowledge, as before I was not aware of my actions and words that caused me pain or trauma. While traveling I saw different areas and the people were kind and welcoming. When living in the now I endured the long drive seeing different areas for exploring and taking in the scenery. For this I felt like this was really happening, like “wow I am doing it”. Throughout my journey I am destined to learn more and help others not live in pretence, but actually live out not only my desires, but for you to live out your desires too.
It Is Okay To Pretend
Is it okay to pretend? Yes, of course it is okay to pretend. Pretending is not always about deceitfulness. Sometimes we need time to just accept the situation as it is and understand it fully, before we can take action. As we know, every thought, every word we speak and every action we take, we bear the responsibility for it. Always take your time to find a solution.
As you take a moment to think, how do you pretend when things are not where you’d like to be In your life? It can be okay to pretend until you seek the right source for your solution, if it is the solution you are looking for. Even though it is a temporary solution, it helps keep you grounded while keeping an open mind. I would like to share my experiences of what healthy and unhealthy pretences are, and unhealthy pretences usually cause pain.
When I was growing up I remember when I didn’t have any friends, so I had imaginary ones in my head to avoid feeling alone. As a child this form of imagination is what kept me going and gave me the feeling of not being left out. This was comforting to me and I still exercise this practice in my lonesome moments. Come to think of it, I think that was a very mature strategy, an adult like thinking. I use my imagination to keep a sense of calmness and it is a form of meditation. It helps me find a sense of stability and peacefulness. It is a pretended happiness, sometimes you just need to tell the brain that you are happy to remain in control. If you don’t control the brain or your thoughts, it will start to control you and may lead you to anxiety and depression. I found a clever way to beat these disorders.
So, now you know it is okay to pretend. Even when you are in a conversation. that is crucial. As for me In the past I learned selective hearing that made it a bit difficult, at times because I was not showing the other person that I was not fully present with them which caused them to get frustrated and angry with me. When I was a child I had that way of drifting in another world. It was something that I had learned as a protective mechanism to keep myself safe.
Tell a story that is true and not elaborate to get more attention or to please someone else that can cause a problem from using kind words. One time I did pretend to a friend and said to them I liked them, but deep down I was not sure how I really felt about them, which caused them to have more feelings for me and it came to be harder to just tell them the truth and say I am not into you like that. It hurt them as I had to see the pain that I created, when I should have just let them know that they still matter to me. It is best to always be truthful to yourself and others by watching our words, and how it may affect others with our reactions so it is best to think before we respond so there is no feeling of regrets or guilt.
Take Actions to Get Back on Track
When did my life get off track and how I acknowledged that it was. When I was at the end of a long 14 year relationship and was looking to get back to the old smiling happy go lucky self.. I was the happiest when I was independent and as a single mother. I was proud to be able to provide for my family, even though I was single. I had noticed when I got thrown off track when family members tried to control me and not just guide me, they thought that they’re way was a better way of raising my kids. However they made me feel that I wasn’t to be trusted which made me feel like I failed as a mum. With my stubbornness, I was able to overcome this obstacle with my family and move forward until I got back on track.
There are many times you’ll get off track, as for me understanding the old cycle was repeating itself which I was more aware of this time that helped me to get back on track. So basically I had to refocus on what I really wanted. The year 2018 was my biggest breakthrough because I left an abusive relationship. I wanted to learn new skills to get rid of the old belief systems and re-organize my thoughts. Learning skills helped me to move forward instead of going back to my old bad habits of trying to numb the pain or trauma. I also sought guidance by looking to YouTube for inspirational leaders that could help me learn to love myself again and be free of other people’s belief systems about me. Pretending can be a way of getting back on track with looking to see yourself as your own hero and life savour.
As this is a process when we have done our research and read up on healthy pretences and not so healthy pretences. Now when I have a conversation with myself I sit in a quiet place listening to the breeze out in nature. As it helps clear out any negative thoughts. That I have experienced previously throughout my life. I now see them as an experience that I felt and went through. As for you, you will feel this for yourself, however it doesn’t make you crazy or insane. It is our body and our emotions that control our perceptions. How we deal with our problems will differ from person to person and some will pretend more than others to cover up the pain.
Seeking to reach out and talk to someone even if it is a stranger, it can be so weird that a strange soul to talk to can be the start for a trusting new relationship. By sharing your experiences with them in time you will build that sacred bond and know that what you say to that special friend won’t go any further.
Seek Authorised Assistance
It is now I have come to realise the importance of seeking help. We go through many challenging experiences, we go through but do we actually take a moment to reflect properly about how it affected us. Over the years I have gone through many toxic situations, one after the other, I simply carried on and never actually allowed myself to fully resolve past issues. When you go through difficult scenarios, check-in with yourself on a day to day basis. This is why journaling or having a conversation with yourself is very important. How would one know how badly your bruise is? Isn’t this a very deep question? If we can see that, we would seek help earlier. Un-resolved issues can build up over the year and can push you to the edge. Book a mentor, a coach, a therapist, whatever that may work, do not harbour negative thoughts about you or anybody else, that is a very good test to know how much you are really affected.
As to seek help, I talk to a mental health counsellor, who has had over 15 years experience. During my sessions I am able to express myself with no fear or shame, she gives me guidance and asks me questions to solve my pains or issues. It is vital to get help with our pains, which can be as simple as just taking a moment to slow down and acknowledging what is going on inside us. Right now on my journey learning to be an entrepreneur gave me the courage and confidence to share my experiences with knowing some might not agree and some will. it is all okay. To avoid pretending is to be honest with ourselves.
We all have a past that takes us on a journey, it is part of life. All experiences are needed for our growth, and even failures are needed for strengthening our character. We need to unlearn some of our past outdated beliefs and adopt healthier ways of living, this means we need to include our physical, mental and spiritual well-being. When seeking help I remember how nervous I was to ask for help with my journey. Have you ever had the moment where you felt alone, and you wanted to be heard and understood of how you experienced all of the pain, and trauma that kept you stuck in a cycle of loneliness and hurt? You will be surprised how lonely people are in this very populated Earth, so many people are in toxic relationships because of loneliness. It is tragic and I have been there. I now know better, I have learnt so much and I have more to learn, you never stop learning and improving yourself. I am starting a new relationship with myself first before anybody else. I have become the advocate in my coaching to help clients to put themselves first above everything.
The feelings of pretending whilst in a toxic relationship helped me cope with the pain I was feeling. In order for me to get out of this cycle I had to take action, even though I had found it difficult at times. But no matter what, I kept pushing on so that I could find out who I really was and find myself again and not have to keep pretending all the time.
Recognize the Importance of Mental Wellness
How do you recognize when your well-being is in need of help? How might you change the outcome of feeling while pretending? Is it a good or bad thing to make yourself happy whole and complete? As for me when I felt my life going out of control, my well-being was affected in such a way that was killing me inside. When I lived with someone that broke me down with their words. I would actually take myself away for a while and ponder what they said. Each time I made the decision to let the words they said to me go. I would pretend that everything was ok. Each day I would go to work making the best effort to put a smile on my face, even when I was crying inside from the harsh words that were previously said to me by my partner.. If you have ever felt this way, you know really that life with that person in reality sucked the life out of you. You would look for a solution to get out of that relationship, because if you keep yourself in that harsh toxic relationship, it will affect your mental and physical well being down the road.
Our well-being being is everything to our health and ability to move forward in life. The feeling of being content and at peace. When that becomes jeopardised we fall out of control as I experienced. It’s the falling and not being in control of your own life that really can mess with your mental wellness. Please do not think that mental issues are all hard psychiatry related problems, the stigma that is attached to mental wellness needs to change. We have come far, but we need to pay more attention to our general mental health without needing psychiatry consultants. Don’t be surprised that even a simple session with a coach or counsellor can really go a long way, because not everybody has a close person to share that sacred conversation with. You cannot trust everybody with your information, hence coaches and counsellors can be very supportive in helping you get to the root of your problem in order for you to heal yourself and your situation. They also help you see things from a different viewpoint rather than from a linear perspective.
If I knew what I know now I would have got away from the toxic relationship before it got where it affected my mental well-being. As I now know, I have the tools at hand to make sure this never happens again. This is my message to you, on your own it is much harder, together we can learn from each other’s experiences. Collectively, we can remove the toxicity from humanity for good, but this starts with you. My attitude has transformed from being a victim to victorious warrior. If I can conquer this pain that has been building for many years, you can also. Remember, you are not alone in this fight. Please reach out to me if this article resonates with you. Talking about your deep buried pain is the first step towards recovery and healing.